Ancestry

Ancestry

This is weird. Maybe this already happened to some of you but that was the first time it happened to me.

It happened around seven to eight years ago when I was studying Wicca. I was reading Scott Cunningham’s Spell Craft and one of the simplest crafts there is the “God’s Eye”. I used a pair barbecue sticks and yarns ( purple and blue ). During the time that I am making it, all I think of is “Please show me what I must see”. I started making it in the afternoon after school, then continued ’til before bedtime. Right after I tie it, I suddenly feel exhausted and sleepy. I placed it under my pillow, hoping to get any message through my dream.

A few moments after I lay down, I started dreaming. I am kneeling before a woman in the middle of what looks like a throne/court room in a palace. I am wearing a dress that looks like it’s from 1560-70s. Women of different age, wearing the same style of dress as mine, are standing around me and the woman sitting on the throne is wearing this dress:

I know, that is Elizabeth I, one of the most remarkable monarch who ruled England and Ireland. The exact same dress but the woman that I saw in my dream looks a bit older, and her face looks fuller. That woman was shouting at me because I did something I shouldn’t do and I must leave that place immediately. The women around us are murmuring. Some agreed with her, some said I need to stay. I plead to stay, I was crying when a man wearing something that looks like an armor walked right through the crowd, pulled me on my left arm to help me stand up and said “she’s my wife…(I can’t remember what he said after that)” then we walked away. I saw that that woman sitting on that throne (or maybe it’s a … chair?) is well-known and her name is recorded in every history books (I saw books flipping, all with her photos, but I didn’t read her name). After that, I woke up.

First of all, all of the conversations in that dream are in a foreign language that I never heard of before but somehow I can understand what all of us are saying in that dream.

Second, when I started dreaming, I am already in sleep paralysis (I cannot move, I cannot shout but I am aware that I am dreaming). Another weird thing, I was lying on my bed, on my left side, I can see my room but on the right side, I can see the throne/court room.

I already tried searching online, hoping to see the face of the woman that I saw in that dream. Queen Elizabeth ruled from 1558-1603. I tried searching for other nobles or monarch who lived during that same time but I didn’t find any. Until now, I am still puzzled on why I needed to dream about that. What does it has to do with me? Who is that man (I didn’t get to see his face)? What exactly was happening in that dream?

Dreaming with such fine details doesn’t happen a lot. Nowadays, I rarely dream at all. I do not know if it’s a scene from my past life or … I don’t know. I am still looking for that woman though. C-sections made me forgetful but somehow, I cannot forget that woman’s face.

Memories

Memories

I remember her sitting beside me. Her wavy hair getting in the way for me to see her face clearly. These days, I only remember glimpses of what happened, a snapshot of that certain moment. I remember her smiling. Whatever we’re talking about, it must’ve been about her special someone ’cause she’s blushing a bit.

I can’t really remember where it happened. In the pantry maybe, or in the jeepney we’re riding home. We used to go home together because we’re on the same way but we didn’t do it a lot ’cause I’m afraid of getting attached.

You see, friendship is still a relationship and in every relationship there will always be expectations. I know what I can do for someone, specially for friends, and sometimes that makes me dumb. I hate doing dumb things for worthless people just because of some stupid reason. I’ve been there.

The sad part is I can’t remember the conversations anymore. All I know is we’re so close once that we get to talk about personal things.

She had this reputation with men. A reputation that no woman would like to be attributed to. And it’s not just with one man. There’s several of them. I never believed any of it because I trust her.

I saw how fragile she is though she’s keeping this tough act in front of everyone. She said she doesn’t care about what they’re saying, she knows the truth. She can repeat that all day but I can feel how bothered she is.

That’s one thing I love about her. She knows her weakness and she’s doing what she can to assess herself, to avoid any past mistakes and to improve herself.

It’s been a little more than three years since the last time I saw her and I don’t know if she’s still working in the same industry where we met but wherever she is, I know she’ll bloom in her own way.

Kilay Is Life

Alas onse ng sabado noon, kakasakay ko lang ng jeep nang may sumakay ding isang estudyante. Medyo chubby sya, hanggang baywang ang buhok at pang-rakista ang pormahan; black knitted shirt, tokong na maong at boots. Isa sa pinaka-una kong napansin sa kanya ay yung kilay nya. Usong-uso ngayon ang ‘kilay is life’ at mukhang yun din ang tina-try i.achieve ni Ate Girl to the point na nanglalaban na. Tipong di pa sya galit, mukha nanagad syang galit. Sinubukan kong iwasan na tignan sya kaso may napansin ulit ako. Akala ko may something sa bibig nya pero naka-brace pala sya at medyo hirap i.close yung labi.

Paglampas ng Buting, may sumakay na kakilala nya na kinalabit at kinausap sya. Doon ko nakita yung ngiti nya, ang ganda nya pala. Parang nagliliwanag yung buong mukha nya kapag nakangiti sya, she even have dimples. Confirmed, ‘di bagay yung kilay nya sa kanya. May kamukha syang batang artista ng GMA dati eh kaso di ko na maalala yung pangalan.

Sana next time, she’ll tone down her eyebrows, she’s more beautiful that way.

Naranasan mo na ba?

Naranasan mo na ba na kabisado mo ang sapatos ng mga tao sa paligid mo ng hindi sila tinitignan kasi nag-aalangan kang tignan sila sa mukha?

Naranasan mo na ba na pakiramdam mo palagi kang pinag-uusapan? ‘Yungย  para kang takot lagi na baka may nakamasid syo?

Naranasan mo na bang papaniwalain ang sarili mo sa isang bagay para lang maging mas okay ang emotional state mo kasi nasa edge ka na? Continue reading “Naranasan mo na ba?”

Kandila

Kandila

Gaya ng kandilang sinindihan sa dilim, ikaw ay inilalagay sa isang sitwasyon kung saan ka dapat magsabog ng liwanag. Marami mang pagsubok na susubukang patayin ang apoy mo, may mga kamay namang handang salagin ang hangin sa paligid masiguro lang na patuloy kang mag-aalab.

Kung nasaan ka man ngayon sa buhay mo, isipin mo lagi na one way or another ikaw ay nagsisilbing liwanag para sa iba. Napupuno man ng kadiliman ang paligid mo, ang isip o damdamin mo, ‘wag kang mapagod na hanapin at alalahanin ang dahilan ng kung bakit ka nandyan sa lugar na yan at ang dahilan minsan mong pagliwanag.

Dark Days

I’m in that point again where everything is hopeless and useless. Some said it’s postpartum depression, I think it’s just “regular” depression. I had these moods and thoughts since grade school.

Writing and blogging is one of the ways where I release tension. This is where I write whatever I want to say and it’s been a bad habit thatย  I usually stay away from my blog ’til I’m in my “happy” mood again.ย  I’ll change that from now on. Anyways, I’ll still be writing stuff and put it in Private.

Hope this ends soon.

Guilt

The other day you said you can’t sleep because you feel guilty. I thought you’re guilty because you’re hurting me, but I was wrong.

You’re guilty because of what you did to her. I don’t really understand that part but I think what you mean to say was you’re guilty because you involved her in whatever plan you have. My heart got pierced and since then, it’s been hurting like hell.

Well, who cares? At least you’re not bored anymore. And at least, after years of numbness, I can finally feel something again eventhough it’s pain.

Hello 2018!

Hello 2018!

Ang ganda ng simula ng 2018 ko ๐Ÿ˜€

Nung New Year’s Eve, nagka-usap kami nila kuya thru video call sa messenger and we had this picture na kumpleto kaming tatlo ๐Ÿ˜€

at least kahit sa video call lang nakumpleto kaming tatlo ๐Ÿ˜‚

A post shared by arianne balagot cantes (@mrsacbc) on

 

And here are some pictures while waiting for midnight ๐Ÿ™‚

Continue reading “Hello 2018!”

Star Wars : The Last Jedi

Star Wars : The Last Jedi

Few days ago, Globe reached out to my husband and they included us in the advanced screening of the newest Star Wars movie that’s set to premiere in the Philippine cinemas on December 15. Earlier, we watched Star Wars: The Last Jedi and for someone who’s not really a fan, the only word that can describe is “satisfying” (except for one thing).

 

Okay, this is the first (and could be the last) time I attended an advanced screening so I don’t really know what to expect. We arrived at Central Square around half past 2. We asked the lady sitting in front of Cinema 4 and she said we need to wait for the Globe representative who will arrive at 4PM Continue reading “Star Wars : The Last Jedi”

For F,

Dahil G na G ka naman kapag pinag-uusapan ka, pa-isa lang.

Pare-pareho naman kayong ganyan, deny deny sa una tapos totoo naman pala. Kung meron nga, may magagawa ba kami?

Continue reading “For F,”