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November 28, I somehow started is ‘journey’ again wherein I focus more on the path (which I haven’t done for the last five years). I want to reconnect to it because for the past three years, I honest feel like I’m lost somewhere and I can’t find the ‘path’.
Alam ko hindi lahat ng tao ay biniyayaan ng supportive na katuwang sa buhay. Actually, bihira na nga makahanap ng supportive na asawa.
Yung tipong bibigyan ka ng reality check pero ipu-push ka pa rin na mag-improve sa mga bagay na gusto mong marating. ‘Yung kahit na nada-down ka na kasi parang walang pinapatunguhan yung mga efforts mo, andyan pa rin sya para sabihin na O.K. lang yan kasi passion mo yan. Sobrang bihira ng yung mga ganyang asawa.
Unfortunately, isa ang asawa ko sa mga HINDI supportive. Kapag may mga gusto akong gawin, he will allow me to do it and when I felt down about it, he will pour all the discouragements. He loves giving reality checks that most often sounds like “you’re doing something hopeless and useless again so you better stop it now”. Just like when I finally had my own domain (which means I’m already spending a bit on my blogging), I asked him to check how my blog looks and if the things that I want to do are possible. His response? “Wala namang magbabasa nyan 😀 “
Nakita ko nanaman silang magkakasama, at ako naiwan nanamang nag-iisa. Sila, nandun sa tabing dagat, masayang namamasyal, nagtatampisaw at nagpapahinga. Ako naman, ito patingin-tingin na lang sa mga post nila. Lagi naman nila akong niyayaya pero ako ang tumatanggi. Bakit nga ba?
Naalala ko tuloy nung huli kaming nagkasamasama. Maaga kaming nagkita sa isang parke at kumain pa kami ng lunch na magkakasama. Pagkatapos noon ay naglibang ng saglit sa Timezone. Hindi kami kumpleto pero masaya na ‘kong makita sila, masaya akong malaman na OK sila.
Nung uwian na, nakita ko nanaman ang dahilan kung bakit ayaw kong sumasama sa mga lakad ng barkada. Napagtanto kong kahit gaano katagal ang lumipas, hindi na ‘yun magbabago. Doon ko nasabing kahit kailan hindi na ako sasamang muli sa kanila.
Ever heard of someone saying “This thing happen and I just died”? The thing is, you see, the process of dying while you’re still alive and healthy doesn’t come in an instant. It doesn’t happen as fast as a snap of your fingers.
It is a collection of small seemingly insignificant instances that builds up through days, weeks, months and even years then one day you’ll feel like you’re doing things without passion, within too much thought and you’ll say to yourself “I don’t feel alive anymore “.
Those thoughts, once you started thinking aboit it, is actually a “make or break” point. Some people would slowly think things over and bring back ‘life’ in their lives. Some wouldn’t mind at first as if he’s still in the denial stage till one day, he would think about the same words and he would finally realize that if he doesn’t help himself, he will slowly be swallowed whole by that emptiness.
First of all, I know this will sound really really crazy.
I was ligated right after my last caesarean operation last May of 2016 so pretty much I already have a very very slim possibility of getting pregnant again. I am exclusively breastfeeding our youngest since birth so I had my period back when he was around 10 or 11 months old.
Since I had my period back, it never missed, not even a single day (it’s always a 28-day cycle) so when it missed for a whole week, I really started thinking crazy stuff.
First thing I thought of was “If I’m pregnant, I’ll give birth by June.” Not a single feeling of excitement, nope. Somehow I just wanted to jump out of the whole nine-month pregnancy journey, which I already cherished with my three children. This time I’m more on mentally preparing for the pains of C-section (if ever I’ll actually give birth again).
Most people are already planning what planner to for next year. Some coffee drinkers would be collecting stickers from their beloved coffee shops, some are loyal to their usual brands and some get the cheapest but functional.
I’m not a planner kind of person. I love how fancy those planners are and it looks kikay too but I’m not gonna pay hundreds for it. I made a mistake once on buying this kikay planner with a membership card with it. There’s a long story behind it and it seems like it’s my fault entirely but no, I’m not gonna do it again. I usually buy Papemelroti’s pocket planners (Php 20.00). They are affordable and I love the designs too. It serves as a reminder for me in some way.
Ilang taon na nga ba? Halos labingwalong taon na din pala mula nang una kong mapansin yung weirdo mong mukha. Sa fourth row ako nakaupo noon, sa tabi ng pader. Ikaw naman nasa second or thrid row sa kabilang side ng kwarto. Pareho tayong transferee na first year high school students noon. Ang puti at ang gwapo mo, matangkad ka rin pero masyado kang baby face. As in mukha kang totoy sa katawan ng isang high school student.
Sabi nila para kang alien kasi patulis yung mukha mong sobrang payat. Pati buong katawan mo, napakapayat na para bang kayang kaya kang tangayin ng hangin. Napakahinhin mo din maglakad at
July 12 nang ayusin ni Maam ang seat plan natin. Yun ang umpisa kung bakit ko naging favorite ang Science. Araw-araw ko ng inaabangan yung subject na yun kasi naman, yun lang yung time na magkakatabi tayo. Oo! Grabe inspiration yun!
Pagkatapos ng ilang linggo eh nagkatabi ulit tayo sa ibang subject kaya grabe ang palakpak ng tenga ko nun! Mas pinagbigyan pa ko ni Lord nang pati sa homeroom (umpisa at last period natin) eh magkatabi tayo.
Juice colored! Imagine starting and ending your day beside your inspiration? No wonder why I’m always at the top of our class.
One day you came into our room and first thing you did was to show this little toy of yours. Isang balisong. You loved playing with it. You even showed me how to twist and turn it in my hands. I can still see your lips moving when you said something that morning. Then, there’s your smile that made my heart beat a little bit faster. I can’t remember the words now but that day will always remain.