Tag: kmg

Last Na

Nakita ko nanaman silang magkakasama, at ako naiwan nanamang nag-iisa. Sila, nandun sa tabing dagat, masayang namamasyal, nagtatampisaw at nagpapahinga. Ako naman, ito patingin-tingin na lang sa mga post nila. Lagi naman nila akong niyayaya pero ako ang tumatanggi. Bakit nga ba?

Naalala ko tuloy nung huli kaming nagkasamasama. Maaga kaming nagkita sa isang parke at kumain pa kami ng lunch na magkakasama. Pagkatapos noon ay naglibang ng saglit sa Timezone. Hindi kami kumpleto pero masaya na ‘kong makita sila, masaya akong malaman na OK sila.

Nung uwian na, nakita ko nanaman ang dahilan kung bakit ayaw kong sumasama sa mga lakad ng barkada. Napagtanto kong kahit gaano katagal ang lumipas, hindi na ‘yun magbabago. Doon ko nasabing kahit kailan hindi na ako sasamang muli sa kanila.

Iyon na ang huli.


College was like a blur to me. Like 4 years of my life just passed and wasted.  Why?  I hated the university I went to, I didn’t really like the course I took,  I was in a shitty relationship (from first to third year),  basically I hated almost everything that’s happening in my life during that time. (I know people would say I’m fortunate enough to even go to college and I’m still complaining.)

You know how it feels like marrying someone you never really loved?  That’s how it feels like. But then,  I met my friends.  I always tells them that they’re like my ‘kids’ in that ‘marriage’.  They’re the only reason why I kept on going to school. I wanted to be with them and I actually ended up finishing my course…. simply because I wanted to be with them. I hope you’re getting how important they are to me. In those 4 blurry years of college,  they are the only thing that’s clear to me. 

When I started having kids,  I had lesser time to be with them. Actually since we graduated from college,  I never really get to see them.  Aside from time (I always put my kids first) it’s the money. You see,  they are from the higher class (compared to mine). Some of them don’t really NEED to work and me, I have kids and I need to provide for them of course. The last time I saw any of them was a month before I gave birth to my daughter and she’s turning three next March. 

So, earlier I saw a post from Facebook.  They went out again. You know why it hurts? No one even asked if I wanted to come. Every time I’d ask if they’re free,  they’d say they’re busy for work but then I’d see them going out together and no one even remembered me.And this is not the first time too. Yes, I’m crying as I type those things ’cause they are only ones that mattered to me before I had my own kids. 

I unfollowed them ’cause I don’t wanna get hurt for the same reason again. I don’t even want to talk to them ever again and most probably we’ll  just avoid each other altogether. It’s like a one-way break up. And you know people say that breaking up with friends hurts more than breaking up with your lover.  That’s true (and this is not the first time i had it too). 

#kmg, kissing memories goodbye. The hashtag I used for anything that I want to forget.

Goodbye,  ‘friends’.