Last night was the most exhausting moment for me as a mom. I felt so tired physically, emotionally and mentally. I wanted to leave them even for just a couple of hours ’cause it felt like I need a break. I actually need a break, every mom or everyone needs that once in a while.
Every single day, all I do was scold them. I try hard to explain why they should not do things. I am trying really really hard not to spank them because I already did that before but now, it feels even worse because it’s not my hands that hurt their butt, it my words that breaks their heart. Right now, I’m trying hard not to cry because of all the guilt. I dont know how long they’ll remember those words and how it will affect them.
I don’t even know what to do anymore.
My husband would say logical things on how to handle our kids but moms know that it doesn’t work that way most of the time. He’d say ‘talk to them. they’ll understand you’. Well, yes maybe they understand that it’s dangerous but they’d still do it ’cause it’s fun and they won’t believe you ’cause they wasn’t hurt yet. They’ll keep on doing things and when one of them started to cry, that’s it.
This thing is soooo fucking exhausting and I badly need a break.
Please don’t get me wrong, being a mom or parenting as a whole is rewarding. The hugs and I love yous are wonderful but for, I really need to rest. Like few hours me time or a quick trip to the mall with my youngest (he’s 5 months and we’re breastfeeding so I can’t leave him).
I can’t eat ice cream ’cause they’ll bug me to have some and they might end up with tonsilitis again.