This photo was shared in a mommy group I’m in. That Facebook group have more than 15 thousand members and it’s a haven for us moms. Most of us feel it’s a safe place where we can share thoughts and secrets. Anything that moms talk about (from in laws, mistresses, school issues, asking for recommendations, ANYTHING!) can easily be shared in that group and unlike those other mommy groups, this one have more mature members (in my opinion).
When that photo was posted, of course most members responded. Most of the members lost it to their husbands or partners, some too early, some too late. What really caught my attention are those who responded same as me.
Me, I lost it to my 1st boyfriend at 15. He forced me to. By definition, that is considered as rape. I was too young and naive then and I never wanted to dwell on the thought that I’m a victim. I stopped him several times until I gave up and I said to myself that it’s OK since he’s my boyfriend anyway. I hid that “rape thought” at the back of my mind ’cause I don’t know what to do. He lives right in front of our house, our parents are friends and…. I don’t know. I just don’t know things. Years before that, I’ve been living with anxiety and I’m always self-pitying. I don’t want to go back to that.
Several members commented: 15 (or whatever their age), my ex bf forced me to
There’s one who lost it at 14 to her abusive ex boyfriend. She had a miscarriage and none of of her family even know that she got pregnant. After the miscarriage, she broke up with him and she stayed away from him. I got teary eyed when I read about what happened to her. I can feel how painful and frustrating that was for her and like all the other members, we’re glad she’s fine now and she already have her family.
About 2-5% of the responders in that post lost their virginity by force or rape. The age is somehow alarming too since those abuses happened too early or during our teenage years. One mom said she was raped at 13, that’s when she lost hers. Nobody dared to ask what happened, all of us are just thankful that she’s OK now. Not everyone poured out details but aside from that 13-year-old confession, almost all are from exes who forced or abused them.
These kind of things go unreported and some incidents (like the 13-year-old rape) happened without her parent’s knowing it even until now.
As a mom, I feel worried that someday my daughter might experience those things. What if she keeps it as a secret too? What if she gets blinded by “love” and…and… I don’t know.
On the brighter side though, almost about 85% of those who answered lost it to their now husband.